Desperate Housewives, My Series
by Lostskins
Summary: I sort of wrote this to be set in the gap between the end of season 3 and the start of season 4 but left some things out. I don't know if it's any good but would really appreciate some comments, good or bad. It's like my own mini-season of the show.
1. Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Episode 1– Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Gabrielle decides to declare war on Edie after she feels she didn't give her enough grief after she started dating Carlos. Susan realises she treats Julie like a young child rather then a teenager and tries to change. Lynette drops by the pizzeria and is shocked at how downhill it has become. Though she is still sick she decides to give it a much needed lift which horrifies Tom. Bree decides to do some redecorating in her kitchen but her plans are thwarted when she meets Andrews new Boyfriend, Mark.

(We start with Gabrielle standing at the window of her house; she is staring out at Edie who is talking to Mrs McCluskey, she has her arms folded.)

Mary Alice Young (V.O): Gabrielle Lang always could put up a fight, be it for money (Shows Gabrielle at a bank talking to a clerk, she is showing cleavage. The clerk is staring at her chest) or for nice jewellery (Shows Gabrielle in a store, she has an expensive ring on her finger, she bats her eye lashes at the store owner, he smiles) or even woman's rights. (Shows Gabrielle tearing down a job available sign which says no women allowed.) But the one thing she swore she'd never lose a fight for was her men and Edie Britt had challenged her the minute she jumped into bed with Gabrielle's ex husband, Carlos Solis.

(Gabby now starts walking through the street towards Edie and Mrs McCluskey. They look up at her, Mrs McCluskey has her hands on her hips, Edie has a purse in her hand.)

Edie: Oh, hi Gabby.

(Gabby stops in front of them.)

Mrs McCluskey: You're just in time, I was telling Edie to get rid of that god awful shrub on her front lawn.

Edie: Yes and I was about to say, hell no.

Gabby: Could I just have a word with Edie, alone.

Mrs McCluskey: Sure, I wasn't getting anywhere with this anyway. Bye ladies.

(She walks off in the direction of her house. Gabby looks at Edie viciously.)

Edie: What's up?

Gabby: Oh I was just thinking, about you and Carlos.

Edie: Really?

Gabby: Yes and my main thought was what a back stabbing bitch you are.

(Edie steps back, she seems surprised by this.)

Edie: Gabby, you're divorced, you don't get a say anymore. Anyway you're with Victor now.

(Edie starts walking away. Gabby runs after her.)

Gabby: Hey! I'm not done with you yet, there's a rule.

(Edie stops and turns around to Gabby.)

Edie: And what rule would that be?

Gabrielle: You don't sleep with family or exes.

(Edie laughs.)

Edie: Screw the rules.

(Edie starts walking off again. Gabby looks annoyed. She looks at the ground; she sees four bottles of milk that have been delivered. She picks one up.)

Gabby: Hey Edie.

(Edie turns around and walks back towards Gabrielle.)

Edie: Yeah?

Gabby: Screw you.

(She throws the milk over Edie, Edie screams and stares down at the her clothes which are covered in milk. Gabby smiles and then drops the bottle onto the ground, it smashes. She walks back to her house. We see Edie staring down at the milk that's over her.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Yes Gabrielle Lang could put up a fight, especially when a man was involved.

(The scene ends and the credits play. The next scene starts with a long shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Every woman on Wisteria must deal with a witch, it could be a bad neighbour (Shows Bree staring in shock at her neighbour pulling out one of her flowers) it could be there own little girl (Shows Lynette watching as Penny screams) or it could turn out that you're the witch yourself.

(We see Susan, Julie and mike in Susan's house.)

Julie (Annoyed): I'm a teenager not a ten year old (Grunts) You're so unfair.

(Julie storms out of the house and slams the door behind her. Susan stares at the door in shock, she turns around to Mike who has a grin on his face.)

Susan: How was that funny?

Mike: No reason.

Susan: No come on, why am I such a bad mother?

Mike: Well she's kind of right.

Susan: About what?

Mike: You do treat her (Susan looks at him in confusion) like a child.

Susan (Defensive): I do not.

Mike: Susan just yesterday you asked the dentist for a lollypop for her.

Susan: Yeah because she likes them.

Mike: I'm just saying.

(He walks up the stairs.)

Susan (Realises): Oh my god, I'm a witch.

(She falls onto a chair at the kitchen table and sighs. The scene ends, the next scene starts with Lynette walking into the Pizzeria. She is shocked that there are no customers inside but then sees the open/closed sign is on closed, she turns it to open.)

Lynette (Shouts): Tom! Tom! 

(There is no answer, she looks around, the tables are set lazily, some tables are missing chairs, there is an empty bottle of wine on the counter.)

Lynette: You've got to be kidding me.

(She picks a coaster up off the floor and throws it on the counter.)

Lynette (Shouts): Tom! Get out here.

(The door to the pizzeria opens; Lynette twirls round and sees Andrew stood there.)

Andrew (Looks around): Whoa.

(Lynette walks towards him.)

Lynette: Andrew thank god, what happened here?

Andrew: I don't know, this is my first day off work in a few months, I took some time off.

Lynette: It's like a bomb went off in here (Looks around) Have you seen Tom?

Andrew: Mr Scavo, no.

Lynette (Sighs): Well get ready, you can help clean up.

Andrew: Yeah actually I came here to cancel, I've got a thing.

Lynette: What?

Andrew: With my boyfriend.

Lynette: Who cares? He can wait. Come on.

Andrew (Shakes his head): Sorry Mrs Scavo, gotta go,

(He walks out the door. Lynette runs up to the door.)

Lynette: Andrew, no, damn it.

(She switches a knife and fork on one of the tables, the scene ends. We now see Bree in her kitchen; she has her hands on her hips. She is wearing the fake pregnancy belly. Orson walks in.)

Orson: Darling, are there any … something wrong?

Bree: Oh no, I'm only bored out of my mind.

Orson: Why don't you do some baking?

Bree: I hate baking with this thing on. (Points to her stomach) ahh.

Orson: Well take it off then.

(Bree looks at Orson in disgust.)

Bree: Are you stupid? Someone could walk in at any minute. I won't do anything of the kind.

Orson: Sorry dear.

Bree (Face lights up): I know, I'll do some redecorating.

Orson: Genius.

(He kisses her on the cheek and walks out of the kitchen. She then climbs up on the counter and reaches up above the cupboards to take down the pots and pans sat there but she can't as her fake bumps gets in the way. She huffs.)

Bree: What the hell.

(She looks around and then takes off the fake bump, she sighs with relief. She then takes down a pan. As she does this she hears the door open.)

Bree: Oh god.

(After she is distracted by this she suddenly slips and falls off the counter onto the floor. She gasps. We hear footsteps running to the kitchen, Andrew appears.)

Andrew: Mom!

(He runs in and helps her up.)

Bree: Andrew, thank god.

Andrew: what happened?

Bree: Well I was about to take down …

(She stares at something in shock and confusion.)

Bree: Who in gods name are you?

(Andrew turns around to see a similar aged boy to him, he has short brown hair and is wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans.)

Andrew: Oh mom this is my boyfriend, Mark!

(Bree's face drops. Andrew puts his hand around Mark, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Mike in his garage, he seems to be working with some tools. Susan dashes in.)

Susan: Okay fine, I treat her like a child but I think you should say sorry.

Mike: Of …

Susan: I am a good mother and you have to say so because you're my husband and …

Mike: Susan, I'm sorry.

(Susan pauses and then smiles.)

Susan: You have to help me change.

Mike (Grins): Sure.

(Susan playfully hits Mike, he laughs. Gabrielle then walks into the garage.)

Susan: Gabby, hi.

Gabby: Hi Susan.

Susan: You can just go into the house, we can have a chat in a minute.

Gabby: Well actually I'm here to see Mike.

Susan: Oh, okay. I'll be up here.

(She runs back into the house.)

Mike: Yeah?

Gabby: I was wondering, would this be enough to get every bit of air out of a tyre?

(She holds up a fishing knife.)

Mike: I'm a plumber.

Gabby: Yeah I know, well?

Mike: It probably would, why?

Gabby: Oh no reason, just … doing some research. Thanks.

(We now see Gabby walks up to Edie's car, Mike watches as she does this. Gabby stabs the tyre with the knife and then smiles. She then rushes back into her house. Mike looks on in confusion, the scene ends. The next scene starts in the pizzeria. We see Lynette sit down, she yawns. She hears a cough. She gets off the seat and runs outside the back. She is shocked to see Tim sitting on the bottom step.)

Lynette: Tom?

(Tom looks up at Lynette in shock, he jumps up.)

Lynette: What are you doing out here?

Tom: No, what are you doing here? You're sick you shouldn't …

Lynette: Do not change the subject, do not avoid it. What the hell s this?

Tom: What do you mean?

Lynette: The pizzeria Tom, the damn pizzeria.

Tom: Look I know it's just I've lost it … a bit.

Lynette: A bit, just by looking at this I had a meltdown.

(Tom walks into the pizzeria, Lynette follows him.)

Tom: Please don't lecture me Ly ….

(He looks around the pizzeria, it is spotless and things have been moved around.)

Tom: What happened here?

Lynette: I fixed it.

Tom (Angrily): I was going to do it, me not you.

Lynette: Oh really? You were just taking a break were you?

Tom: No I wasn't but I was going to do it.

Lynette: Sorry I did it then.

Tom: You should be.

(There is silence for a minute.)

Lynette: look Tom, if you can't handle it we can sell it, we can.

Tom (Looks horrified): You did not just say that.

Lynette: No Tom, I'm being realistic. If you've been like this since I was sick, we must have lost bags of cash. We can't afford that, we have five damn kids.

Tom: … I know. I'll sort it out.

Lynette (Annoyed): Fine.

(She walks towards the exit.)

Tom: Bi … (Lynette turns around) witch!

Lynette: Be glad you changed that word. Here have your own space.

(She throws a salt shaker at him and storms out, Tom sighs, the scene ends. We now cut to Julie in her room, she is looking at a book. There is a knock on her door.)

Julie: Come in.

(Susan appears, her hands are behind her back.)

Susan: Forgiven me yet?

Julie: I don't know.

(Julie looks down at the book again.)

Susan: Julie come on, it's me.

Julie: You're my mom, not my teenager friend.

Susan: Look I know I treat you like a child and I'll try to stop. 

Julie: … thanks.

Susan: But I can't promise anything.

Julie: What? Not a very good …

Susan: Wait.

(She reveals s bottle of beer from behind her back, she puts it on the table and slides it to Julie.)

Julie: What's that?

Susan: A little am … peace offering.

Julie (Smiles): I don't like beer but thanks.

(Susan pauses and then her face drops.)

Susan: You've tried beer? When? Where?

Julie: Mom!

Susan: Sorry. 

(She backs out of the room. Julie smiles and shakes her head, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree sat on her couch, Andrew and Mark are sat in front of her.)

Bree: So Mark, I just have to meet your parents.

Mark: yeah my parents don't know so …

Bree: Oh, well another time maybe.

Andrew: Mark sells hotdogs, he owns a stand.

(Bree's face drops.)

Bree: Does that … pay well?

Mark: … yeah.

Bree (Uncomfortably): Oh that's just wonderful, will that be your career?

Mark: No I plan on being a vet.

Bree (Face lights up): Oh how nice, Andrew wanted to be a vet when he was young.

Andrew: Did I?

Bree: Yes, I remember your father one had to drag you of our cat, your were practicing.

(The three laugh.)

Bree: I'm just going to get some snacks, would you like some lemonade?

Mark: Sure.

(She smiles and then gets up and walks to the kitchen. Andrew follows her in. She turns around and jumps when she sees him.)

Bree: Oh! Andrew, you gave me a fright.

Andrew: Sorry, so what do you think?

Bree: of mark, oh he's just wonderful.

Andrew: Really?

Bree: Of course, he likes gardening, he has great taste and he loves you. What's not to like?

(Andrew pauses for a second and then hugs a shocked Bree.)

Bree: What was that for?

Andrew: I though when you met him you'd freak out but I guess the witch is dead.

Bree: I'll take that as a complement, now take those sandwiches out, I bet he's starving.

(Andrew smiles, grabs the tray and walks out. Bree starts pouring some lemonade, the scene ends. We now cut to Edie walking out of her house, she gets in her car, something strange happens. She gets out of the car and stares at the tyres, when she sees a flat one, she sighs.)

Edie: Oh crap.

(She looks around and then sees Mike in his garage, she runs over to him.)

Edie: Mike!

(He looks up and waves. She stops in front of him.)

Edie: I've got a little flat tyre, you mind giving me a hand.

(He drops his tools and nods.)

Mike: Sure.

(They start walking towards Edie's car.)

Mike: Are you and Gabrielle having a game or something?

Edie: Oh, no, just a little tiff, why?

Mike: This just seems a bit harsh for a tiff.

(Edie stops and looks at him in confusion.)

Edie: I'm sorry, what?

Mike: Never mind.

Edie: No tell me.

Mike: It's nothing …

(Edie puts her hand on his shoulder.)

Edie: Tell me. Wait, she did this, didn't she. Oh that little … hold this.

(She gives him her purse and she storms towards Gabrielle's house. She starts knocking on the door, Gabby opens the door.)

Edie: What the hell is that?

(She points at the car.)

Gabby: Oh, did you get a flat tyre, oh shoot, sorry don't have a spare.

(She is about to shoot the door but Edie pushing holds it open.)

Gabby: Back off.

Edie: If you want to fight, let's fight.

Gabby: That's okay, I think I've won.

Edie: Really?

(Edie turns around and walks to her car, Mike has just finished changing the tyre.)

Edie: You done?

Mike: Yeah …

Edie: Move.

(Mike steps out of the way, Edie gets in her car and starts it. Gabby looks on in horror.)

Gabby (Shouts): Edie, what are you doing?

(Edie starts driving towards Gaby's garden, Gaby runs up to the car and tries to stop her.)

Gabby: Edie, stop!

(She pulls over.)

Edie: Why don't you?

Gabby: But …

Edie: But what Gabby? It's over between you both.

(A look of sadness comes across Gaby's face.)

Gabby: It's just I still love him.

(Edie puts her head down and then gets out of the car. She puts her arm around her.)

Edie: You have Victor and hey at least he's rich.

(Gabby laughs.)

Edie: Now I gotta go, by the way if you ever do that to my car again, I will run you over.

(She laughs and gets back in her car and drives off. Gabby looks on as she does this, the scene ends. We now cut to Lynette in her kitchen, Tom walks in the door.)

Tom: Hey honey.

Lynette: … hey.

Tom: Look about earlier I …

Lynette: Forget about it Tom, I get it.

(She gets up and walks towards the stairs. Tom sighs.)

Tom: Lynette.

Lynette: What?

Tom: Stop. Look I know you trying to help, I know you must be killing yourself inside because of this cancer, I know you probably could do anything to take your mind of it. I know that, just please leave the pizzeria to me.

(Lynette smiles at him, she goes back down the stairs and kisses him.)

Lynette: Okay.

(We see another long shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Everyone must deal with a witch but sometimes witches are only woman I disguise, a woman remembering her little girl (We see Susan watch Julie leave the house in a short skirt, Susan sighs, Mike puts his arm around her.) a woman accepting who her son is (We see Bree laughing with Andrew and his boyfriend Mark) a woman trying to move on (We see Gabby looking at a picture of her and Carlos) and there are some woman who wear this disguise because if they didn't, people would see there not as strong as they say they are (We see Lynette sat on her bed, she sighs.)

The episode ends.


	2. Lessons Learned

Episode 2 – Lessons Learned

Susan starts to regret letting herself go with Julie when she finds a packet of cigarettes in her room. Lynette tries to occupy herself at home as she doesn't have a job; she ends up having a heart to heart with her son Parker. Bree stumbles across Andrews's boyfriends fathers hot dog stand. Edie gets in trouble with Susan and Gabrielle tells Victor she's not happy with there marriage.

(We start with a shot of Edie's house. There is a newspaper on the ground near the mail box.)

Mary Alice Young (V.O): Each day everyone learns a new lesson, they could learn that a dog can bite (Shows Preston Scavo getting bitten by a dog) they could learn that they should have used protection (Shows a teenage girl looking at a positive pregnancy test, she screams) or they could learn that shaving, is harmful (Shows Mike getting cut by a razor) But Ida Greenburg was about to learn a lesson most of Wisteria Lane had already had the pleasure of learning.

(We see old Ida Greenburg walk towards the newspaper, she looks around to see if anyone is watching and then picks the paper up. There is suddenly a crash.)

Edie: Hey Ida!

(Ida looks up and sees Edie, she then starts running off.)

Edie: Oh no you don't.

(Edie starts running after her, she catches up to her, Ida stops. They are stood outside Ida's house.)

Edie: Give me that back, you little thief.

Ida: It's mine.

Edie: Ida I'm not Susan Mayer, I'm not stupid, I saw you. Now give it back.

(She puts out her hand.)

Ida: … no.

Edie: Excuse me?

Ida: I said no.

(Ida walks around Edie and starts walking towards her front door.)

Edie: Fine, keep the paper.

(Ida sits down on a chair on her porch, Edie rushes into her house. A minute later Edie comes out of her house with a hammer. Ida she's this and gasps. Edie walks up to Ida's car and smashes the windscreen with the hammer. She smiles.)

Edie: Enjoy your paper Ida.

(Ida stares at her car in shock, Edie walks back into her house.)

Mary Alice (V.O): What did Ida Greenburg learn, she learned never to mess with Edie Britt.

(The scene ends and the credits play. The next scene starts with a long shot of the park.)

Mary Alice (V.O): There many types of lessons, the good kind (Parker shows Tom and Lynette a B+ report card) the bad kind (Shows Mrs McCluskey throwing a cat out of her house, she says "Bad kitty") and the down right mean lessons (Shows Edie and Gabby fooling around on a bed, Carlos says "Oh Gabby", Edie pushes him off the bed.).

(We see Bree walking in the park, she walks passed a hot dog stand, she pauses for a minute and then walks towards it.)

Hot dog vendor: How can I help you?

Bree: Oh hi, I was wondering do you have a son called Mark?

Hot dog vendor: Yeah, I do. Is he in trouble?

Bree: Oh of course not, I was just checking.

Hot dog vendor: Why do you know him?Bree: as a matter of fact he's dating my …

(Bree stops talking and remembers that Matt hasn't told his parents.)

Bree: My friend's daughter.

Hot dog vendor: Oh, huh it's funny, he has been out a lot these days.

Bree: Well a healthy social life is vital.

Hot dog vendor: It is.

Bree: What is that horrible smell?

(The hot dog vendor sniffs.)

Hot dog vendor: Oh that's the hot dogs, would you like one?

(Bree looks at him in disgust.)

Bree: No thank you. Bye.

(She gives him an uncomfortable smile and then starts walking again. She sees a bench and walks up to it.)

Bree (To boy): Is this seat taken?

Boy: No, nope.

(The boy seems nervous, he keeps looking around. He is shaking.)

Bree: Excuse me, are you alright?

Boy: Yeah, yes.

Bree: What's your name?

Boy: R-R-Robert.

Bree: Robert, that yes wasn't very convincing, are you lost?

Robert: Nope, no, I'm not lost.

(He looks around and quickly looks back.)

Bree: Is there something behind us?

(She turns around and sees someone rolling around on the grass behind a bush, she gasps.)

Bree: Oh my, do you know those people?

(He nods.)

Bree: Oh, what are they doing?

(The boy jumps up and yelps, he runs off.)

Bree (Song): Wait, what's wrong?

(Bree turns towards the people rolling around and charges towards them.)

Bree: Hey you two!

(One of them jumps up, he then appears, it is Mark, Andrew's boyfriend. Bree looks at him in shock.)

Bree: Mark? What are you … Andrew!!

Mark (Under his breathe): Crap.

Bree: Andrew get out of that bush now.

(The person doesn't budge.)

Bree: Fine.

(She walks up to the bush and grabs the person by the ear, she lifts him up but then pushes him away. It isn't Andrew, it is another boy of a similar age.)

Bree (Looks at Mark in shock): Oh …

(She is horrified, she storms off. Mark sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Susan walking in her hall some laundry in her hand, she walks into Julie's room and places the basket on her bed. She starts putting the clothes in Julie's closet. The basket falls onto the floor, Susan gasps. She kneels down to get it and under the bed is a packet of cigarettes.)

Susan (Distressed): Oh my god.

(She grabs it and rushes down the stairs, screaming in the process.)

Mike (Worried): Susan, are you okay?

Susan: No I'm not okay, my daughters smoking.

Mike: What?

(She shows him the packet of cigarettes.)

Mike: Oh.

Susan: Great, just great. By next year she'll be an alcoholic.

Mike: Susan, calm down.

Susan: Calm down, I just found cigarettes in my daughters room. For this situation, I'm mellow.

Mike: … right.

Susan: Well what do I do?

Mike: Throw them away?

Susan: No, about Julie!

Mike: Just talk to her.

Susan: Well obviously I'm going to talk to her but what do I say? No you can never do smoke? Do it on weekends? I'll buy you a packet for your birthday? Or maybe I should by some of those nicotine patches I mean …

(Mike grabs Susan.)

Mike: Just talk to her.

Susan: Fine, okay.

Mike: I've got to go, a sink burst over at Mrs McCluskey's.

Susan: Okay.

(They kiss quickly.)

Susan: it's a good thing I don't smoke because otherwise I would have polished these of already.

(She brushes her hands through her hair.)

Mike: Right on time.

(Susan looks over at the door, Julie is walking in.)

Mike: See ya.

(He walks passed Julie and leaves.)

Julie: Hi mom.

(Susan just stares at her.)

Susan: You have some explaining to do.

(She shows her the cigarettes. Julie's face drops, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Lynette walking into her house with Preston, Porter, Parker, and Kayla. She is holding Penny in her arms.)

Porter: What's for diner?

Lynette: I don't know.

Preston: No vegetables.

Lynette: Okay then, lots of vegetables it is. Go play in your rooms.

(The four of them run up the stairs, Lynette walks over to the couch and puts Penny down. She sighs with relief. The phone rings. She grabs it.)

Lynette: Hello.

(There is no reply.)

Lynette: Hello. Tom?

(She waits another minute and then puts it down.)

Lynette: Damn prank callers.

(She sits down and looks around for a minute, she gasps in pain, she holds her head.)

Parker: Mommy?

(Lynette turns around to see Parker stood on the stairs.)

Lynette: Hey, are you okay?

(He nods.)

Lynette: Alright then.

(She turns around again.)

Parker: Are you?

(Lynette turns around again and laughs uncomfortably.)

Lynette: Of course.

Parker: No your not.

(Parker walks down the stairs and walks up Lynette.)

Parker: Are you sick?

Lynette: Parker, mommy just has a headache.

Parker: Are you sure?

Mary Alice (V.O): as her son stared at her Lynette knew this was a lesson he had to learn and that she would have to be his teacher.

(Lynette hits the chair next to her gesturing for Parker to sit down.)

Lynette: Come on.

(He jumps up on the chair next to her. She looks at him.)

Lynette: I am sick but the nice doctors are fixing me.

Parker: How?

Lynette: Am, you know those superheroes with lasers (Parker nods) well the doctors do that to mommy and that helps me.

Parker: Cool.

Lynette: Yeah it is. You okay now?

Parker: Yep.

(The phone rings again.)

Parker: Can I answer it?

Lynette: No, I'll get it.

(She rubs parkers head.)

Lynette: Hello.

(Once again there is no answer.)

Lynette: who is this? … Stop calling here.

(She slams the phone down, she grunts, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Victor walking down the stairs in Gabrielle's house. Gabby is sat at the table below, she gets up when she sees him.)

Gabrielle: Where were you last night?

Victor: Working, the polls are in on Thursday.

Gabrielle: Oh well that's okay then.

Victor: Is there a problem Gabby?

Gabrielle: I was up worried sick.

Victor: Really?

Gabrielle: Well I was dreaming about worrying about you.

Victor: So you were sleeping, it doesn't matter then.

Gabrielle: If you remember we were going to have sex.

Victor: Make love you mean?

Gabrielle: Whatever.

Victor: I had work.

Gabrielle (Annoyed): that's all you ever do, we haven't had a night out since before the wedding.

(He walks up to Gabby and kisses her.)

Victor: Sorry I'll try get off at the weekend.

(He is about to walk out the door.)

Gabrielle: I'm not happy.

(He stops and looks at her.)

Victor: Oh.

Gabrielle: We have to talk.

Victor: I've got work.

Gabrielle: The hell with work, what about me?

Victor: Fine but quickly.

Gabrielle: I think you should resign as mayor.

Victor (Laughs): That's ridiculous.

Gabrielle: That's right laugh in my face.

Victor (Angrily): I will never resign, not for you, not for anyone. You hear me!

(Gabrielle steps back, from the window we now see Susan running across the road. We now cut to this, Susan runs up to Edie's door angrily, she starts banging on it. The door starts opening.)

Edie: All right, all right keep your … oh Mayer.

Susan: Who the hell do you think you are?

Edie: You've lost me.

Susan: you gave my daughter cigarettes!

Edie: Oh, I though that'd blow up in my face.

Susan: Damn right it would, where do you get off doing things like this? First the birth control pills, now this, why don't you go and buy her some cocaine while your on a roll?

Edie: Look Susan, she asked and accepted. It's no big deal.

Susan: No big deal. There dangerous.

Edie: I know and I gave her the talk before gave them to her.

Susan: Really? What did you say?

Edie: smoking kills! It was as simply as that.

Susan: Oh you are something else.

(Susan storms off.)

Edie: Oh Mayer, are there any left?

Susan: What? Why?

Edie: I'd like them back.

Susan: You don't even smoke.

Edie: I know but maybe I could sell them to one of the Scavo boys.

(She laughs and then walks back into her house. Susan now runs back into her house, a guilty Julie is sitting at the kitchen table.)

Susan: Young lady you are grounded.

Julie: Why? I didn't smoke any of them.

(Susan walks up the stairs.)

Susan: For dealing with the devil.

(Julie sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree sitting on her arm chair, Orson is stood in front of her.)

Bree: I mean what should I do?

Orson: Bree you have to tell him, it's disgusting.

Bree: Orson! You had an affair remember, don't be so hypocritical.

Orson: Why are you defending him? He betrayed our son.

Bree: I wasn't defending him, I was just staying the obvious.

Orson: Are you going to tell him?

Bree: I can't he'll be devastated. This is the happiest he's been in years.

Orson: Then what do you suggest?

Bree: I don't know, I'll have to sleep on it.

(We hear someone coming down the stairs, it is Andrew.)

Andrew: Mom, can I have a bit of money?

Bree: sure but first I need a reason.

Andrew: I'm going out with Mark.

Bree: Oh then no.

Andrew: What? Why?

Bree: I'm sorry Andrew but just use your own money.

Andrew: I don't have any on me.

Bree: Tough.

(Andrew looks at Orson.)

Orson: I'm with your mother on this.

Andrew: But he said he has something important to tell me.

(Bree looks at Orson and sighs.)

Bree: Oh alright then.

Andrew (Smiles): Thanks.

Bree: My purse is by the door, take as much as you need.

Andrew: Thanks, see ya.

(He walks off.)

Orson: What are you doing? Aren't we meant to protect him?

Bree: Well I think it's better coming from Mark himself than us.

Orson: Ah I see, genius.

Bree: Oh and I'm not done yet.

(We hear Andrew drive off, the doorbell then rings. Bree walks to the door. She is shocked to see Mark.)

Bree: Oh, Andrew just left.

Mark: I know.

(Bree folds her arms.)

Mark: I came to see you.

Bree: Why? It's Andrew you should be talking to.

Mark: I know it's gonna kill him, it's just I was seeing Eric before Andrew.

Bree: What?

Mark: So technically, Andrew's the other guy.

(Bree gasps and then slaps Mark across the face.)

Bree: How dare you.

(Mark's face is red.)

Mark: I'm sorry.

(He runs off and gets on his bike which is hidden behind a tree, he cycles off.)

Bree: Right.

(She grabs her car keys and rushes to her car, the scene ends. We now cut to Gabrielle, she is talking to Carlos in her house.)

Carlos: Are you really gonna do this?

Gabby: I have no choice, I'm stuck in a marriage, again!

Carlos: Hey!

Gabby: Oh calm down that's all behind us.

(She grabs a piece of paper and a pen, she starts writing a note.)

Carlos: Where will you go?

Gabby: A motel.

Carlos: Really?

Gabby: Yes, a really expensive one.

Carlos: tell me again why you're leaving, it's your house.

Gabby: Because I've got no choice. Come on, your driving me.

Carlos: Fine.

(They walk out of the house, the note reads "Victor, you should have listened, Gabrielle", the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree in the park again, this time she is walking quickly towards the hot dog stand.)

Hot dog vendor: Oh you came around, would you like sauce with the dog?

Bree: Oh I'm not here for your produce, I'm here to fill you in on a little secret of your sons.

Hot dog vendor: What?

Bree: He's gay.

(The hot dog vendor stares at her in silence.)

Hot dog vendor: What?

Bree: Oh wake up, Mark is gay. Goodbye.

(Bree starts walking off, he starts running after her.)

Hot dog vendor: How do you know?

Bree: Because he and my son are … partners.

Hot dog vendors: Maybe it's a phase.

Bree: Oh I doubt that.

(She walks off smiling, while the vendor stands there in shock, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Lynette's house, Parker is sat watching TV and Lynette is cooking in the kitchen. Tom walks in the door.)

Lynette: Hi honey.

Tom: Hey, oh that smells great.

(Lynette walks over to him and gives him a quick kiss.)

Lynette: Did you ring me a few times today?

Tom: No, I'm gonna go in the shower.

(He starts walking up the stairs.)

Lynette: … Dinner's ready in ten, so be quick.

(She walks back into the kitchen, the phone rings. Parker goes to pick it up.)

Lynette: Sweetheart, I'll get it.

(A timer goes off in the kitchen.)

Lynette: Shoot, okay go ahead.

(She turns to the over, Parker answers the phone.)

Parker: Hello … Yes … I'm ten … two brothers and a sister

Lynette: Parker honey who are you talking to?

Parker (On phone): I can't go now my dinners nearly ready … I can and my mommy … okay

(Lynette walks over to Parker and grabs the phone.)

Lynette: Hello, who is this?

(There is no answer.)

Lynette: Hello.

(The person hangs up, she puts the phone down.)

Lynette: Do you know who that was?

Parker: I don't know, a man.

(Lynette is obviously scared by this, the scene ends. We see a long shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Yes lessons are learned every day, some we learn after there needed (We see Victor reading Gabrielle's note) some we learn just in time (We se Susan take Julie's phone off her) some are learned by mistake (We see Bree consoling a crying Andrew) but there a small number of lessons that we can't learn because no one knows about them to teach us (We see Lynette unplug the phone, she then closes the curtains.)

The episode ends.


	3. I've Got A Theory

Episode 3 – I've Got a Theory

PREVIOUSLY ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES:

Gabrielle ran away as she was unhappy with Victor. Bree told all her friends and neighbours that she was pregnant, this was a lie, she is actually wearing a fake pregnant belly. Susan's relationship with her daughter Julie seemed to be going downhill after Susan found cigarettes in Julie's room. Andrew's boyfriend dumped him for another boy and someone rang Lynette's home and spoke to her son but hung up the minute she went on the phone, this forced Lynette to unplug the phone.

Lynette's paranoia causes a strain in her marriage. Bree is disgusted as she thinks Andrew is sleeping around. Victor goes around the street, investigating the disappearance of Gabrielle. Susan's nightmare with Julie continues when she gets a call from the police, saying they have Julie in custody, to make things worse Edie insists on going to the station with her.

(We start with a shot of Carlos sleeping in a bed. Everything is quiet.)

Mary Alice Young (V.O): Carlos Solis always knew how to get the women he dated to forgive him; sometimes he used expensive jewellery (Shows Carlos showing Gabrielle a diamond necklace) other times he used passion (Shows a woman slap him, he then kisses her passionately) other times he even used threats (Shows him show a picture to a woman, it is of this woman naked, Carlos points to the computer. She quickly hugs him) but this time, Carlos was sure he had hidden everything he could get in trouble for (Edie storms into the room, she throws a picture frame at the wall, it smashes, Carlos jumps up) he was wrong!

Edie: Get up!

(Carlos jumps out of bed and looks at Edie in confusion.)

Carlos: What the hell is your problem?

Edie: That is my problem.

(She points to the frame; Carlos sees it's a picture of him and Gabby.)

Carlos: Where did you find that?

Edie: In the fricken freezer!

Carlos: Oh … listen …

Edie: I can just about handle you saying her name in bed but the thought of you starring at that picture for hours makes me nauseous.

Carlos: You weren't meant to find that.

Edie: Wow, I feel so much better, oh and the freezer?

Carlos: … I thought you wouldn't go in there. You know, you never eat any of that processed stuff.

Edie: … nice try.

(She storms out of the room, Carlos follows her.)

Carlos: Did you see the bracelet I got you?

Edie (Stops): No.

Carlos: Well I got you one.

(Edie turns around and looks at him.)

Edie: I'm not stupid Carlos, I'm not being bribed.

Carlos: Fine, maybe we should finish this then.

(Edie's face drops.)

Edie: Carlos, I don't want us to break up (She walks up to him) it's just I'd like a little more respect.

(She kisses him and then walks down stairs, Carlos smiles.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Yes Carlos Solis could always get the women he dated to forgive him but this time Edie did all the work for him.

(The scene ends and the credits play. We see a shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Everyone can have a theory, maybe you think your neighbours a witch (Shows the twins Porter and Preston pointing at Mrs McCluskey.) or you could have a hunch that your cat can talk (Shows Ida Greenburg talking to her cat.) or you might think that your friends sons are spawns of the devil (Shows Bree looking at Lynette's twins kicking each other) but Lynette Scavo had a much darker theory, she had a feeling that someone was trying to harm her children and she was doing something about it or at least was trying.

(We see Lynette putting stuff in the dishwasher, the twins; Penny, Kayla and Parker are in the living room watching T.V. The phone rings and Lynette jumps.)

Lynette: What? I thought I unplugged this.

(She walls over to the phone and unplugs it.)

Lynette: Which one of you fiends plugged this back in.

All kids: Not me.

Lynette: Of course not.

Parker: It was daddy.

Lynette: What?

Porter: Daddy did it.

Lynette: Are you sure?

Preston: I saw him.

Lynette: That's funny because I thought I told daddy to keep it unplugged. Do you know why he did it?

Twins: No.

(Lynette sighs, the twins run up the stairs, followed by Parker. Kayla stares at Lynette, who is thinking.)

Kayla: Am what's going on with the phone?

Lynette: Oh nothing, nothing for you to worry about.

Kayla: I'm not worried; I just want to know what's going on.

Lynette: Look everything's fine, go play with your brothers.

Kayla: Fine but I'm just going to ask daddy anyway.

(She gives Lynette a dirty look and walks up the stairs. Lynette runs her hands through her hair and sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts later on; it is about nine thirty in the evening. We see Bree walking down a hall in her house; she has a laundry basket in her hands, she walks up to Andrew's door, she is about to knock on the door but here's a voice say "Yes". She opens the door, she sees Andrew fooling around with a boy on his bed, this boy is only in his underwear, Bree drops the basket.)

Bree: Oh my … sorry.

(She grabs the basket and rushes out the door. She walks down the stairs in shock and disgust; we hear footsteps running towards her.)

Andrew: Mom, sorry about that I just …

Bree: Oh please, don't go into detail.

Andrew: I thought you were shopping.

Bree: I was.

Andrew: Well then.

Bree: Andrew! Going shopping isn't a signal for you to take a boy to your room and … enjoy his company.

Andrew: Look I'm sorry but you know, its healthy.

Bree: That didn't look healthy to me in fact it looked a tad …

Andrew: A tad what?

Bree: Never mind.

(She gives Andrew an awkward smile and walks into the living room. Orson is sat watching television. Bree sits next to him.)

Orson: Is everything alright dear?

Bree: Oh if you discount my son on the verge of having sex and me walking in on him, then yes, everything's just great.

(Orson is staring at the TV.)

Orson: Oh well.

Bree: Orson, did you listen to what I just said?

Orson: Of course.

(He still is obviously not paying attention.)

Bree (Stands up): Fine, tomorrow you can give Andrew a sex talk.

(Orson stares up at Bree in horror.)

Orson: What?

Bree: Oh well I certainly can't do it, I'm a woman. And if your reaction is Oh well, then you obviously don't mind.

(She smiles at him.)

Bree: Oh and you'd better buy a condom, you'll probably have to do a demonstration.

(She walks off smiling; Orson looks horrified, the scene ends. The next scene starts over at the Scavo's house shortly after, Lynette is sat at the kitchen table, the door opens and Tom walls in.)

Tom: Hi honey.

Lynette: Hi.

Tom: Are the kids asleep?

Lynette: They just went to bed.

Tom: I'll just tuck them in.

(He starts walking up the stairs.)

Lynette: Tom, we need to talk.

Tom: Okay, what's wrong?

(He walks down to the table.)

Lynette: Well I just thought that we were clear, you know about the phone.

Tom: Oh, that. Look Lynette I just thought three days was enough. People need to contact us, not just on our cells.

Lynette: Did you think a stalker only works three days a year?

Tom: What?

Lynette: Well just because we plugged it out for three days doesn't mean he'll stop.

Tom: Lynette stop, you could be nothing. Even so we have no idea who it is.

(Tom begins to walks off.)

Lynette: Actually I do have an idea.

Tom (Stops): Come on then Lynette, who?

(Lynette walks up to him.)

Lynette: This might sound strange but it could be Art.

Tom: Art? Lynette he's gone.

Lynette: Look just think about it, only talks when one of the kid's answers and we all know what Art was. It makes sense.

Tom: No Lynette, your just jumping to conclusions.

Lynette: Why? Why am I jumping to conclusions?

Tom: Your being paranoid, you've already got enough on your plate with the cancer, just get over it.

(Lynette stares at Tom, she pushes passed him and starts walking up the stairs.)

Tom: Fine, let's talk some more.

Lynette: Let's not.

(Tom looks around and sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Susan and Mike asleep in bed, it is about one in the morning. The phone suddenly rings, Susan stirs.)

Susan: What? Who the hell …

(She grabs the phone.)

Susan: Hello?

Man: Hello, is that Susan Mayer?

Susan: Yes, do you know what time it is? Can this wait?

Man: Mam, I'm a police officer and we have your daughter Julie down at the station.

Susan: Don't be ridiculous, my daughter is asleep in bed as we speak, bye.

(She is about to put the phone down.)

Mike: Susan, don't you want to check first?

Susan: Ah fine. (On phone) Just one minute.

(She gets out of bed and rushes to Julie's room, she barges in.)

Susan: Sorry to wake you Julie but I need you to tell the police office that your … at home.

(She looks around to see the window open and no one under the quilts.)

Susan: Damn it Julie.

(She puts the phone to her ear.)

Susan: I'll be there as soon as I can.

(She hangs up and sighs. She walls back into her room.)

Mike: Did she tell …

Susan: I'm going now.

Mike: what? She's gone?

Susan: No she's here; I just thought I'd go on a road trip. (Looks upset) I'm sorry it's just... its my Julie.

(Mike hugs her.)

Mike: Will I go with you?

Susan: No, your there too often.

(She grabs a pair of shoes and walks out of the room, we now see her walk out of her house, she slams the door. She now walks up to her car and gets in, she is about to drive off when Edie appears. She gestures her to wind her window down.)

Susan: Edie, what are you doing? It's one in the morning.

Edie: I could ask you the same thing. (Angrily) Keep it down Mayer.

(She turns around to walk away.)

Susan: I'm going to the station to get Julie.

(Edie turns back and smiles.)

Edie: Station? What station?

Susan: The police station, now move.

Edie: Do you need some company?

Susan: No, not really.

Edie: Good, cos I'm coming.

Susan: Edie, no, What?

(Edie gets in the front seat next to Susan, Susan grunts.)

Susan: Edie you've gotta be kidding me?

Edie: What? I was about to watch a late night movie but this will be so much more entertaining.

(Susan looks at her in disgust and then sighs, she drives off, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Susan and Edie walking into the police station, Susan looks around in horror.)

Susan (Hesitant): Let's wait here, they'll bring her to us.

Edie: Susan this isn't a take away hut, it's a police station. You've got to go get what's yours.

Susan: Fine.

(They continue walking, they stop at a woman who is sat behind a desk, there is a plastic screen in front of her.)

Woman: Hi, can I help you?

(Susan is distracted by the strange atmosphere, she is looking around. Edie nudges Susan.)

Susan: Oh … yes I'm here to pick up my daughter, Julie Mayer.

Woman: Oh right, okay just a minute.

(The woman gets up and walks off presumably going to ask someone to get Julie.)

Edie (Looks around): God this is better than some of the ones I've been in.

Susan: What?

Edie: Hey, I was a wild child. Just because you went without drink until your thirties doesn't mean the rest of us did.

Susan: Oh I don't care, I just wanna get out of here.

Edie: Maybe you should control your daughter a bit more.

Susan: This isn't my fault, it's probably a mistake anyway.

Edie: I'm just saying if you were less of a pushover than maybe …

Susan: I am not a pushover … anyway what about Austin, he wasn't so perfect.

Edie: Yeah well he doesn't get straight A's all of the time.

Susan: okay let's just stop talking.

(A police officer starts walking towards them, there is a woman next to them, she is wearing lots of make up, a skimpy top and a mini skirt. Susan's face drops. They stop in front of Edie and Susan.)

Susan: No, that's not my daughter. My daughter's not a prostitute.

Woman: Hey!

Susan: Oh god no, I've got nothing against that. You've gotta make money right.

(The woman give her a dirty look, she gulps. Edie is in the background shaking her head.)

Police Officer: Actually Mrs I just came to tell you that your daughter will be out in a minute.

(Susan's looks horrified.)

Susan: Oh.

(He smiles and he and the woman begin walking away from Susan. Edie laughs.)

Edie: You really are sad, aren't you Mayer.

(Julie comes walking out, a police man next to her.)

Susan: Oh Julie (She runs up to her) thank god. Are you okay?

Julie: … yeah.

Susan: What happened? Did someone make you do something?

Police Officer: Mrs, a word.

(Susan looks at the officer and nods.)

Susan: Sure.

(They walk over to a corner, Julie walks up to Edie.)

Police officer: Firstly your daughter was found with a bottle of vodka which she has obviously consumed and a packet of cigarettes. She was not sober when we found her. That's why she was taking in. Now this is just …

Susan: That's a mistake, my daughter learned her lesson. Are you sure?

Police Officer: Unfortunately, yes.

Susan: Oh … oh.

(She looks over at a guilty looking Julie and shakes her head.)

Susan: Is there a fine or a fee?

Police Officer: Usually yes but this is her first time so I'm just warning you. Don't let your daughter drink or smoke.

(She nods.)

Susan: Of course.

Police Officer: Sorry for the late hour, goodnight.

(He walks off. Susan walks back to Edie and Julie.)

Susan: Let's go.

Julie: Mom ….

Susan: Don't bother.

(They walk out, Edie smiles and follows them, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree sitting on her sofa, she looks as though she's thinking. We hear a noise from upstairs, a door shutting. Bree jumps up.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Bree Hodge was expecting a lot of things on the morning after of walking in on her son in a compromising position. She thought her son might shout, she hoped he might apologise for the embarrassment, she even thought he might introduce his new friend but what Bree wasn't expecting, was round 2!

(Bree walks towards the stairs and is horrified to see a half naked boy stood half way down them.)

Boy: … crap.

Bree: Oh … my god.

Boy: I'm just … leaving.

(He walks down the stairs.)

Bree: Excuse me, who are you?

Boy: Am I'm a friend of … (He thinks) am …

Bree (Looks horrified): Andrew!

Boy: Yeah, Andrew.

(He runs out of the house, Bree looks disgusted.)

Bree (Shouts): Andrew!

(She starts walking up the stairs, she reaches Andrew's door and bangs on it.)

Bree: Andrew, open this door, now!

(The door opens and a shirtless Andrew appears.)

Andrew: What?

Bree: Who was that boy?

Andrew: What boy?

Bree: The one who just ran down my stairs in his underwear.

Andrew: Oh that's … the guy you saw last night.

Bree: Andrew I'm not stupid, I can tell the difference between blond and black hair. Who was he?

Andrew: Just a guy.

Bree: Did you … sleep with him?

Andrew: If you could call it that.

Bree (Disgusted): I thought you were dating that boy from last night.

Andrew: Bob, no!

Bree: Oh god, are you … sleeping around?

Andrew: Whatever, I'm tired.

(He shuts the door in her face, she looks on in horror, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Victor Lang walking along the street, he walks up to Carlos and Edie's house and knocks on the door. Carlos appears.)

Carlos: Victor, buddy, what's up?

Victor: I'd imagine you've heard about Gabby, leaving.

Carlos: … no. trouble in paradise?

Victor: No. Just a little disagreement. So you haven't seen her?

Carlos: Nope but I'll let you know my man.

(Victor nods and walks off. Carlos shuts the door, Edie is stood right behind him.)

Edie: What was that?

Carlos: How he just wanted to watch the game tonight.

Edie: Liar.

Carlos: What?

Edie: I heard.

Carlos: Then why'd you ask?

Edie: Because I knew you'd lie. You know where she is, don't you?

Carlos: What? No. Me and Gabby, we don't get on too well.

Edie (Surprised): Really? Oh … sorry.

(She kisses him on the cheek and runs upstairs, he sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Susan sitting in her kitchen drinking coffee, Julie walks down the stairs nervously.)

Julie: … hi mom!

Susan: Sit down.

(Julie walks over to the table and sits in front of Susan.)

Susan: What is wrong with you?

Julie: Nothing.

Susan: Well then why are you doing all of this?

Julie: I don't know, its normal.

Susan: Oh being arrested is normal, then I must be pretty out there then.

Julie: You just don't get it, it's always about you.

Susan: Julie I'm not …

Julie: Whatever.

(She storms back upstairs and Susan puts her hands over her face, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Bree's house, Bree, Susan, Lynette and Edie are playing poker at a table.)

Bree: I must say Lynette, I admire your strength. If I was in your position I'd be in bed now.

Lynette (Laughs): Well Mrs McClusky said she'd baby-sit and I just thought it would distract me.

Susan: Where's Tom?

Lynette: Oh he's doing inventory at the pizzeria. To be honest I'm glad.

Edie: Oh gossip.

Lynette: Well its nit exactly gossip, it's just these phone calls. We just disagree about it.

Bree: Well I would do exactly what your doing, better to be safe than sorry.

Lynette: Exactly!

Susan: Anyway let's change the subject.

Edie: Did you all hear about Julie?

Susan: Edie!

Edie: She was arrested.

(All there faces drop.)

Bree: My god, Susan, what did she do?

Susan: it's just a phase.

Lynette: What type of phase?

Susan: A drinking and smoking type.

Bree: Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry.

Susan: It's fine … so Bree your getting big.

(Susan goes to touch Bree's fake pregnant belly, Bree jumps.)

Susan: What?

Bree: There was a fly.

Susan: Oh … okay.

(Lynette's cell phone starts ringing, Lynette answers it.)

Lynette: Hello?

Mrs McCluskey (On phone): Lynette, come home, quick.

Lynette: What? What's wrong?

Mrs McCluskey: Just come.

(Lynette starts panicking, she hangs up and then jumps up off her seat.)

Bree: Lynette, is something wrong?

Lynette: I don't know.

(She rushes out of the house in distress. Everyone looks at each other in shock.)

Edie: Well I guess we should call it a night.

(The scene ends, the next scene starts with Lynette rushing into her house, she looks around. The place is empty.)

Lynette: Mrs McCluskey? Boys?

(She rushes through the kitchen and sitting room and then charges up stairs.)

Lynette: Boys?

(She rushes in there room and no one is there. She know dashes into her and Tom's room, she gasps. Tom is lying on the bed and is shirtless, there is a bottle of wine and two glasses on the bedside cabinet. He is smiling. Lynette looks around and is obviously taken back.)

Lynette: What the hell is this?

(Tom's face drops.)

Lynette: Where are the boys?

Tom: At Mrs McCluskey's, honey, what's wrong?

Lynette: I thought, I thought they were gone.

(Tom jumps up, his face drops.)

Tom: Honey, I was just trying to make up for last night.

Lynette: And this is how you do it? By scaring the hell out of me.

Tom (Goes to hug Lynette): I'm sorry I …

(Lynette pushes Tom away.)

Lynette: I'm gonna get the boys.

(She walks out looking upset, Tom sighs and then sits on the bed, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Bree's house, everyone has left. Orson and Andrew walk into the room.)

Orson: Did you have a good time darling?

Bree: Yes but this thing is killing me.

Orson: Here, I'll help you.

(She gets up and he starts taking it off for her. She looks at Andrew.)

Bree: Andrew, can we just talk?

Andrew: Look mom, I'm an adult now. I can sleep with who I want, when I want.

Bree: I get that it's just … never mind.

(The scene ends, the next scene starts with Susan in her kitchen, Julie comes up to her.)

Julie: Mom.

Susan: Oh … hi.

Julie: I'm lonely.

Susan: What?

Julie: Danielle has been gone for ages now, I miss her.

Susan: Is that why you've been acting this way?

Julie: I guess it is.

(Susan starts thinking.)

Susan: Fine then, I'm going to do something about it.

(She walks towards the front door.)

Julie: What are you doing?

Susan: I'm going to ask Bree if you can go visit Danielle at her school.

Julie: isn't it a bit late?

Susan: Oh, she won't mind.

(We see Susan run across the road and walk up to Bree's house. She gets to the front door, she then sees Bree, Orson and Andrew through the window, her face drops as she sees Bree with no pregnant belly and Orson holding the fake one. She turns around in shock but falls over and screams. Bree, Orson and Andrew stare at the window. They see Susan running to her house in distress, Bree looks down at her belly and then stares at Orson in horror.)

Bree: Did she see?

(The scene ends, we see a long shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Yes everyone can have a theory, sometimes this theory could unfortunately be true (Shows Carlos with Gabrielle in a motel room) sometimes it can tear people apart (Shows Tom lying alone in bed and Lynette bring the kids inside) sometimes theories can help us as (Shows Julie looking at a picture of herself and Danielle) and sometimes we don't even have a chance to form a theory as we didn't know there was anything to think off in the first place (Shows Susan looking out her window at Bree's house.)

The episode ends.


	4. Those Darn Expectations

Episode 4 – Those Darn Expectations

PREVIOUSLY ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES:

Lynette and Tom's marriage started to fall apart as Lynette's paranoia over the mysterious phone calls increased. Bree's daughter Danielle got pregnant but Bree lied and said it was herself who was pregnant, she then said that Danielle was away at a boarding school. When going to ask Bree a question for Julie, Susan saw Bree without her fake pregnancy belly and ran off in shock. Victor asked Carlos if he knew where Gabby was, Carlos lied and said no.

Lynette's comes face to face with someone from her past. Edie notices cracks in her relationship with Carlos and so decides to try and make things a bit more entertaining. Bree invites Susan on a day out after finding out that Susan knows about the fake pregnancy. Meanwhile back at home Julie gets a visitor who could blow Bree's secret wide open. Victor confronts Gabrielle about there relationship.

(Bree is sat on an armchair in her living room.)

Mary Alice Young (V.O): Bree Hodge had been pretending to be pregnant for nearly seven months and she has mastered the art of distracting people from her fake belly, sometimes she'd lie (Shows Lynette going to touch Bree's belly, Bree gasps and then tells Lynette to not touch her as she's in some pain, Lynette nods) she would use her surroundings to her advantage (Shows Susan trying to touch her belly, Bree pushes a glass of water off the table near them, Susan rushes to clean the mess up) or would even harm others to get them away (Shows Gabrielle try to touch her belly, Bree kicks Gabby in the ankle, she then says sorry. Gabby holds her ankle) but now Bree was worried that someone knew about her secret, this person was Susan Mayer.

(Shows Bree looking out the window at Julie talking to Lynette, they are staring at Bree's house. Bree gasps and then charges outside towards them.)

Bree: Oh you two!

(They both look at her.)

Julie: Hi Mrs Hodge.

Lynette: Hi Bree.

Bree: I couldn't help but notice you … staring at my house. Is something wrong?

Lynette: What? No.

Bree: Then why use that tone?

Julie: It's nothing.

Bree: Please, I insist you tell me.

Lynette: Alright, I didn't want to get him in trouble but … Andrew hasn't been turning up to work.

(Bree sighs with relief.)

Bree: Oh thank god.

Lynette: What?

Bree: Oh … no, not Andrew again. I'll give him a talking to. Oh Julie, did your mother talk to you last night?

Julie: Yeah, why?

Bree: About me?

Julie: No.

Lynette: Why?

Bree: Oh I was thinking of arranging for you to ring Danielle, she's dying to speak to you.

(Julie smiles.)

Julie: Cool, I'm dying to speak to her.

Bree: We'll have to set it up later, bye.

(Bree nods and then walks off smiling.)

Lynette: Bree you're sure getting big. It must be due in a couple of months.

(Bree turns around.)

Bree: Yes I am.

(She walks off.)

Mary Alice: Yes Bree could easily distract people from her fake belly but this time she only needed to be safe rather than sorry.

(The scene ends and the credits play. The next scene starts with Gabrielle sitting on a bed in her motel room, she is filing her nails.)

Mary Alice: Gabrielle Solis was always could at hiding, during hide and seek games when she was a little girl (Shows a young Gabrielle hiding in a box, in the background children are shouting her name and looking for her) when trying to hide from someone she didn't feel like talking to (Shows Gabrielle hiding underneath a shopping counter, hiding from Ida Greenburg) and especially when she was hiding from a lovers wife (Shows Gabrielle hiding under a bed, we hear a wife shouting at her husband) and hiding from her husband Victor wasn't any different, or so she thought.

(There is a knock on the door, Gabby gets up and opens it, she gasps.)

Gabby: Victor!

(We see an angry looking Victor standing at the door.)

Gabby: … how are you?

(We now cut to Victor sitting on a chair inside the room. Gabrielle is walking around the room.)

Gabby: Am how did you find me?

Victor: I asked around.

Gabby: Huh, Edie Britt.

Victor: it doesn't matter who told me, you should have.

Gabby: What? I told I was unhappy and you ignored it. What was I supposed to do?

Victor: Talk to me.

Gabby: I tried.

Victor: Not hard enough. Oh and the letter, I didn't think you were so cheap.

(Gabby looks at him in disgust.)

Gabby: Oh go to hell Victor.

Victor: Fine but you're coming with me.

Gabby: No I'm not.

Victor: Either we talk about this or we don't. But were not getting divorced.

Gabby: If I want a divorce …

Victor: You'll get one? I'd like to see that.

Gabby: Get the hell out.

(She walks over to the door and opens it.)

Victor: I'll see you at home … you'll come crying soon.

(He walks out with a smug smile on his face; Gabby slams the door and sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Edie and Carlos panting in bed, Carlos jumps out of the bed.)

Edie: Oh come on, stay here for a while.

Carlos: I can't, I'm watching the game with the guys.

Edie: The guys?

Carlos: Yeah, Mike, Tom and Orson.

Edie: What are you sixteen?

Carlos (Laughs): What?

Edie: You just blew off your girlfriend for the guys, its pretty sad.

Carlos: Whatever babe.

(He puts his shirt on.)

Edie: Carlos, can we please just spend some time together?

Carlos: We just had sex, that's time.

Edie: Yeah about ten minutes of time.

Carlos: It was longer then that.

Edie: Don't flatter yourself.

(Carlos walks out of the room, Edie huffs. We now cut to about fifth teen minutes later, Edie starts walking downstairs in a robe, we can hear the TV. We see Carlos, Orson and mike sat in front of the TV.)

Edie: Hi boys, enjoying the game.

Mike: Yeah.

Carlos: Babe would you quiet down.

Edie: … sure.

(Edie goes back up the stairs put stops halfway.)

Mike: How's that going?

Carlos: What?

Mike: You know Edie.

Orson: Are you two … working?

Carlos: Yeah the sex is great, that's about it.

Mike: Harsh.

Carlos: You've had her my man, you know.

(Mike rolls his eyes. Edie looks upset by Carlo's comments, she drops her robe and walks back downstairs. She is now in her bra and panties. Orson stares at her.)

Edie: Carlos!

(Carlos and mike turn around and look at her in shock.)

Carlos: … whoa, where'd you get them?

Edie: Who cares, you'll be taking them off me in a second.

(Carlos smiles and gets up and follows Edie, he turns to go to the bedroom.)

Edie: No, no, this way.

(She takes him into the bathroom and shuts the door, the scene ends. We now see a shot of Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice (V.O): Everyone has expectations, some can expect to get a headache (Shows Mrs McCluskey sighing as the Scavo twins are shouting) some can expect to be great sex (Shows Edie and Carlos in the bathroom) and some can expect to die a lonely death (Shows Ida Greenburg sitting in her house, alone) but seem must really learn to expect the unexpected.

(We see Lynette, Tom, Parker, the twins, Penny and Kayla in the hospital. Kayla is looking after Penny in the waiting area, Parker is stood with them. Lynette and Tom are walking with a doctor, the twins behind them.)

Lynette: We just thought we'd better be safe than sorry.

Doctor: You were right to come in but it's just a little rash, it will go away.

Tom: Thanks.

(They turn to the twins.)

Lynette: See you guys, your fine.

(They ignore her and start pushing each other.)

Doctor: I did notice Porter had a …

(Parker walls up and tugs on Lynette.)

Parker: Mommy, can I go?

Lynette: In a minute sweetheart.

Doctor: He has a little cold, just thought I'd mention it.

Parker (To Lynette): No I'll go.

Tom (To Parker): Wait a minute buddy.

(Lynette sighs with relief.)

Lynette: Thank god I just …

Parker: I wanna go with Mr Protector man.

(Lynette's face drops.)

Tom (To Lynette): What?

Lynette: Protector man?

Parker: Yeah, over there.

(Parker points to a hospital bed. Lynette looks over and is horrified to see Art lying there.)

Tom: Lynette what is it?

(He looks to what Lynette is staring at, he sees Art.)

Tom: Is that …

Lynette: Art? Yes!

Tom: Come on, let's go.

Lynette (Nods): Sure.

(Tom goes and gets Kayla and Penny and they all start walking out of the hospital, Lynette stops.)

Tom: Come on honey.

Lynette: No, I'm going to do something.

Tom: No come on, he didn't see us, Lets go.

Lynette: You go; I'll be out in a minute.

(Tom sighs and walks out with the kids. Lynette charges up to the bed and taps Art, he looks up, he looks surprised.)

Art: … Lynette.

Lynette: What the hell are you doing here?

Art: I cut myself on …

Lynette: Get the hell out of here. Now!

Art: Calm down.

Lynette: I am calm; I just want you to go.

(Art sits up.)

Art: What's the matter Lynette? Afraid I'll hurt someone.

Lynette: I won't ask again just …

Art: Lets go outside, we should talk.

(Art gets off the bed and walks towards the door, Lynette looks at him hesitantly.)

Art: Come on.

(She follows him, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree looking out her window, she sees Susan drive into her driveway, she dashes out.)

Bree: Susan!

Susan: Oh … hi Bree.

(Susan now starts walking to her door.)

Bree: Can we talk?

Susan: About what?

Bree: You know what.

Susan: Do you know what Bree, I'd rather not know. So see ya.

(Susan opens her door and is about to shut it but Bree puts her foot in front of it, stopping it.)

Susan: Bree.

Bree: Look, just come on a drive with me, I'll explain.

(Susan sighs.)

Susan: Okay.

(Susan drops the bag of groceries she was holding onto the nearby counter, she follows Bree. We now cut to Bree and Susan in Bree's car, Bree is driving.)

Susan: So Danielle's pregnant?

Bree: Yes.

Susan: I don't understand, why would you lie?

Bree: I couldn't have my neighbours and friends thinking that I was a bad parent, I get enough of that from myself.

(Susan puts her hand on Bree's which is on the steering wheel.)

Susan: This isn't your fault, you're a good mother.

Bree (Smiles): Thank you Susan.

Susan: Can I ask though, who's the father?

Bree: Ah I'd rather not say.

Susan: Oh Bree come on.

Bree: It might be a bit … uncomfortable for you.

Susan: Why?

Bree: Well it's Austin.

Susan: … oh.

Bree: I'm sorry but you did ask.

Susan: Of course, Julie's over him anyway. So where is he?

Bree: All I know is that he left Wisteria Lane for good.

Susan: So that's why he left so suddenly.

Bree: Yes.

Susan: Oh my god, this is just so … hard to believe.

Bree: Susan please tell me you believe me.

Susan: Of course it's just I … would like to see it with my own eyes.

Bree: Well here you go.

(Bree stops the car at what looks like a church.)

Susan: What?

Bree: We can go and see her.

Susan: Danielle? I thought she was in … oh, right.

(They get out of the car, a nun walks up to them.)

Nun: Hello Mrs Hodge, I was expecting you until Thursday.

Bree: Oh I brought a friend.

(The nun smiles and starts walking into the building, Bree and Susan follow her, the scene ends. The next scene starts outside the hospital, Lynette and art are stood there. It is pretty empty but the odd patient walks passed them.)

Lynette: What is there to talk about?

Art: I want to thank you.

Lynette: … for what?

Art: Getting rid of my … little problem.

(Lynette's face drops.)

Lynette: Your sister?

Art: God Lynette I'm not that evil, I mean …

Lynette: Not that evil, you admitted to my face that you were a (Looks around) paedophile.

Art: Well that's what I'm thanking you for.

Lynette (Horrified): What, why?

Art: Thanks to you, I've stopped that.

Lynette: I …

Art: I couldn't do it, when ever I had an urge all I thought about was you, so I stopped.

Lynette: Good.

Art: Not for me. That was my life, what I lived for, thanks for ruining it for me.

Lynette (Disgusted): I don't care, that's one of the best thing I've done in my life.

Art: Well congratulations then.

(Lynette shakes her head and begins to walk off but turns around.)

Lynette: Oh and stop calling my house.

(She walks off, Art looks around in sadness and sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts with gabby driving, a car drives next to her, Victor is inside it.)

Victor (Shouts): Gabby, pull over.

Gabby: Screw you.

Victor: Come on Gabby, just do it.

(Gabby rolls her eyes and then pulls , Victor does as well.)

Gabby: Fine, what do you want?

Victor: To talk.

Gabby: We could do that somewhere else, you think.

Victor: Well here you can't throw stuff at me, something we both know you're good at.

Gabby: Clever but did it cross your mind that there is a busy road just there, be careful Victor, I might get a sudden urge to push you.

Victor (Laughs): I've always loved your sense of humour.

Gabby: Good, well do you want to say goodbye to it?

Victor: So you're serious about this divorce then?

Gabby: Yes. So just accept it.

Victor: Fine.

Gabby (Shocked): … really?

Victor: Yeah but I'll take back what's mine.

(Gabby looks confused. Victor then grabs the necklace on Gabby's neck and pulls it off, hurting Gabby in the process. She is holding her neck.)

Gabby: Ah Victor what the …

(He tears her top off.)

Gabby: Get the hell …

Victor: I'll want those pants too. After all I paid for them.

(She looks at Victor in disgust, she elbows him in the stomach and rushes to her car, she drives off quickly, Victor gets up holding his stomach, he stares at the driving car evilly and then picks the torn top up, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Susan and Bree walking into Danielle's room in the convent.)

Bree: Danielle, I have a visitor for you.

(We see her bed, there is someone in it.)

Susan: Oh its okay, she's sleeping we'll come …

Bree: I will not have that, she'll get up. Come on Danielle.

(The person in the bed doesn't move.)

Bree: Fine, we'll wait outside, but hurry up.

(They walk out of the room and sits on some chairs that are outside the door.)

Susan: So this place seems … nice.

Bree: Oh it is, they can be strict but I just know Danielle loves it here.

(Bree smiles.)

Bree: Oh this is just silly.

(Bree gets up and charges back into the room, she sees a nun getting out of the bed)

Bree: What? Where'd my daughter?

(The nun shrugs her shoulders.)

Nun: She paid me.

(Bree turns and looks at Susan in disgust, she screams. We now see Julie in her home back in Wisteria Lane. She is sat at the kitchen table eating. The doorbell rings.)

Julie: Just a second.

(She drops the sandwich she was eating and goes to the door and opens it, she looks shocked.)

Julie: Danielle, oh my god.

Danielle: Hi.

(Julie looks at Danielle's pregnant belly.)

Julie: You're pregnant?

Danielle: Yep.

(Danielle walking with her suitcase in tow, she drops it by the door.)

Julie: You're back from Switzerland.

Danielle: … sure.

Julie: So how have you been?

(Danielle looks down at her pregnant belly and sighs.)

Danielle: Okay I guess.

(Julie smiles, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Edie and Carlos's house.)

Carlos: Damn it Edie.

Edie: Carlos don't overreact.

Carlos: You just banned me from seeing Gabby, I can overreact.

Edie: But you're still in love with her, what choice do I have?

Carlos: Oh I don't know, let it go.

Edie: Oh so your admitting it.

Carlos: I never said that.

Edie: You never denied it.

Carlos: Just …

Edie: Just what? Let it go, I don't think so.

Carlos: What have I ever done to …

Edie: I heard you Carlos.

Carlos: Heard what?

Edie: Your little remarks, not so funny now are they.

Carlos: Look I'm sorry about that but we both know it's true.

Edie: No we don't. For the passed few months I've been over the moon.

Carlos: Well I haven't.

Edie: Why not?

Carlos: Because I don't love you.

Edie: … fine.

Carlos: What?

Edie: I can live wit that, because some day, you will.

Carlos: I promise you, I won't.

(Edie looks hurt by this.)

Carlos: Look let's get it over with, let's finish this.

Edie: You're ending it?

Carlos: Yeah.

Edie: Fine, get out.

Carlos: I'm sorry it' just …

Edie (Angrily): Get out!

(He looks down and starts walking put.)

Edie: Oh and Carlos, if I find out that your with Gabby any time soon, I swear to god you're a dead man.

(Carlos walks out and slams the door. Edie sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts again in Bree's car, she is driving and seems pretty upset.)

Susan: Bree I'm sure we'll find her.

Bree: You don't know that.

Susan: I bet she'll be at your house right now with an explanation.

Bree: Well that doesn't matter, she's coming back here as soon as I find her.

(There is silence for a minute.)

Susan: Don't you think you should just let her stay with you.

Bree: No.

Susan: Why not?

Bree: Because I've already told everyone, I will not be humiliated yet again.

Susan: … who cares what they think.

Bree: I do, I will not be starred at like a witch, I will not be spoken about like a mad woman and I certainly won't let people's expectations be met.

Susan: What?

Bree: Everyone thinks Danielle is a … well you know.

Susan: Bree, I don't, Julie doesn't and I'd imagine most your friends don't. That's what counts.

(Bree looks at Susan and sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts in someone's apartment, we see an empty bottle of pills and a bottle of beer sitting on a bed side counter. We then see a fire place, the last of many pictures is being burned, we can barely make out a boy in his swimming gear on this picture. We now see Art on the bed, he is unconscious and maybe dead as he has taken these pills, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Lynette walking down the stairs, Tom is sat on the sofa.)

Lynette: Hey.

Tom: Hey honey, they in bed?

Lynette: Yeah.

(Lynette looks at the unplugged phone, she walks over to it and plugs it back in, Tom smiles.)

Lynette: Do you want some wine?

Tom: I'd love some.

(Lynette laughs but then stops and puts her hand over her mouth, Tom looks up in horror.)

Tom: Lynette honey, are you okay?

Lynette: Yeah, just felt a little nauseous.

(Tom jumps up.)

Tom: You, sit down and I'll get the wine.

(Lynette smiles and walks over to the sofa and sits down. Tom opens the fridge and gets a bottle of wine out. The phone suddenly rings. Lynette stares at it and then picks it up. Tom looks over in curiosity.)

Lynette: Hello?

(There is no reply.)

Lynette: Hello? … Art, go away. Leave us alone!

(There is once again no reply.)

(Lynette slams the phone down and looks at Tom in horror.)

Tom: Art?

Lynette: Yeah, it must be.

(We now flash to that same moment and see the unconscious art lying on his bed after taking the pills, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Gabby pulling up at her house in Wisteria Lane. Carlos sees this and runs up her.)

Carlos: Gabby, what are you doing here?

Gabby: It's over.

Carlos: With Victor.

Gabby: Yeah.

Carlos: That's great, why aren't you happy?

Gabby: I think Victor … let's just say he can be dangerous.

Carlos: Did he hurt you?

Gabby: Yeah but it's not that bad.

Carlos: I don't care, he can't touch you.

Gabby: Carlos stop, don't make a big deal out of this, then maybe he'll go away.

Carlos (Hesitant): But (sees Gabby's scared face) fine, I'll hope you with your stuff.

(Carlos takes a bag out of Gabby's car, Gabby kisses him on the cheek, he smiles. We now see Edie watching on, she shakes her head. The scene ends, the next scene starts with Bree's car pulling up at her house, she jumps out and runs inside. Susan looks around outside and then sees Julie and Danielle in her house.)

Susan (Shouts): Bree.

(Bree comes rushing out, Susan points over to her house and Bree sees Danielle. They walk over to her house.)

Bree: Danielle, what in the hell are you doing?

Danielle: I'm sick of hiding, I'm going to tell everyone.

Bree: You will not know get into the car …

Danielle: No!

(Bree looks at her in disgust.)

Danielle: I'll be home in a minute.

(Bree looks at her in horror, the scene ends. We see a shot of the Wisteria Lane.)

Mary Alice: Yes, every one of us has expectations, sometimes the things we expect finally come (Shows Edie watch as Carlos walks out of the house with a bag of his things) sometimes the things we expect come but with a twist (Shows Gabby looking at her neck as Victor hurt it earlier when tearing her necklace off) sometimes things happen which we never expected to happen ( Show Danielle walk into Bree's house, she starts bringing her suitcase up the stairs, Bree looks at her and sighs) but sometimes the things we expect will never come, as there is something much darker on it's way. (Shows Lynette and Tom sitting by the phone and then it shows some Medics declaring Art dead.)

The episode ends.


	5. Silent Night

**Episode 5 – Silent Night**

**PREVIOUSLY ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES:**

**Danielle returned much to the dismay of her mother Bree who was pretending she was pregnant instead of her daughter. Susan found out about this when she saw Bree without her fake pregnancy belly. Gabrielle left Victor but he swore he would take back everything that was his. Edie and Carlos broke up as Edie knew that Carlos still loved Gabby. Lynette confronted Art when she saw him in the hospital, he said she ruined his life by making him guilty about being paedophile, she told him to stop calling her house as she had been getting strange phone calls which she assumed was him. We in fact know it was not as the last call that was made, was made after Art had taken an overdose of pills. He was later pronounced dead. Lynette discovered she had cancer and the only one who knew was Tom.**

* * *

**Bree's idea for the neighbourhood to have Christmas dinner together goes ahead. But it doesn't look like it will be a Merry Christmas in Wisteria Lane this year.**

**(We start with a long shot of Wisteria Lane, it is covered in Christmas decorations and lights and snow falls lightly onto the rooftops.)**

**Mary Alice Young (V.O): Christmas is always spoken off as the best times off the year, because of the presents that are given (Shows a dozen presents lying sitting under a Christmas tree) because of our family around us (Shows a picture of Lynette's family at Christmas) or because of the delicious food we eat (Shows a table with Christmas food it) but in reality Christmas is a time when everyone is vulnerable, to secrets being revealed, friendships being ruined, lives being at risk and problems not being solved.**

**(We see a large table in Bree's house set for about twenty, there is no one sat at it. There is food scattered on the table, champagne glasses are still full, plates aren't empty. We now see a distressed looking Bree; she is staring at the table. Orson comes up behind her, he puts his arms around her, she sighs.)**

**Bree: This wasn't meant to turn into a silent night. It was meant to be merry, there was meant to be laughter and happiness.**

**Orson: I know.**

**(The scene ends and the credits play.)**

**(2 DAYS EARLIER. We see a shot of Wisteria Lane.)**

**Mary Alice (V.O): Christmas is a bust time of year, decorations must be put up (Shows Tom putting up some lights on his roof) gifts must be bought (Shows Bree in a shop, a sign for an aisle says "Christmas gifts", Bree walks down this aisle) and then they must be wrapped (Shows Susan wrapping up a presents, she puts a heart shaped label on it and writes "Mike") and then the dinner must be cooked but Bree Hodge had a plan that could make some people's lives a small bit easier.**

**(We see Bree stood in the kitchen, Orson is stood in front of her folding his arms.)**

**Orson: What?**

**Bree: I think it would be just wonderful.**

**Orson: For them you mean.**

**Bree: No for all of us, how fun would it be, all of us together for Christmas.**

**Orson: Yes Bree the dinner it self would be just spectacular but what about the cooking, are you getting a caterer?**

**Bree: God no, don't be absurd; I'll cook the feast myself, along with you of course.**

**Orson: How is that fair? **

**Bree: Oh Orson don't be such a baby.**

**Orson: Can't you get some of your friends to help; you can bond over champagne and Christmas pudding.**

**Bree: We'll being doing that at the table, it's settled, now I just have to invite them.**

**(Bree grabs her address book and walks out of the room smiling, Orson sighs, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Lynette's house, she is wearing a wig because of her cancer. The twins and parker are sat in front of her playing with trucks and penny is sat on the sofa next to Lynette. The news is in on the TV. The doorbell rings.)**

**Lynette: Ahh.**

**Parker: Mommy the door.**

**Lynette: I know, I know.**

**(Lynette gets up and walks over to the door. She opens it and Bree appears.)**

**Lynette: Bree, hi.**

**Bree: Hi, my god Lynette, are you alright?**

**Lynette: Yeah of course, what's up?**

**Bree: Well I have a great idea; I was thinking we should all have Christmas dinner together. You know, me, you, Gabby, Susan and Mike, just our friends and family.**

**Lynette: Of course.**

**(Lynette sighs with relief.)**

**Lynette: you don't know how helpful that is, with Tom at the Pizzeria tomorrow I'd have to do it and you know with the …**

**(She stops.)**

**Bree: The what?**

**Lynette: Kids, I just have my hands full. Thank you so much.**

**Bree: I'm guessing you can't help out then.**

**Lynette: I'm sorry but no I really can't.**

**Bree: Well no problem, see you then.**

**(Bree smiles and walks off, Lynette closes the door.)**

**Lynette: Thank god.**

**(Lynette sees Porter holding a remote control car, there is wrapping paper on the ground, he looks very guilty.)**

**Lynette: Porter please tell me … oh my god. That was a present, you can't open that.**

**(She grabs the wrapping paper and then takes the toy off him.)**

**Porter: But I wanted it.**

**Lynette: I don't care if you wanted it, you won't be getting …**

**(She stops and stares at the TV in shock, there is a picture of Art, she listens to the news reporter.)**

**News reporter: There has been four suicides in the area in the last month, including Art Shepard who overdosed on painkillers in his apartment three weeks ago on the 2nd of December. Does this prove that it really is harder near the holidays?**

**(Lynette sits on the sofa in shock, she then gets up and plugs the phone back in, the scene ends. The next scene starts with Bree about to walk into her house, she sees Susan's car pull up. Susan, Julie and Mike get out of it, they have three suitcases with them. Bree rushes over to them.)**

**Bree: Susan!**

**Julie: Hi Mrs Hodge.**

**Mike: Bree.**

**Susan: Hi Bree.**

**Bree: You're finally back, three weeks felt like forever.**

**Mike: For us too, nice to see you.**

**(He picks up a suitcase and walks into the house.)**

**Julie: Is Danielle around?**

**Bree: yes she's putting her feet up inside, you can go say hello if you'd like.**

**Julie: Cool, thanks.**

**(She smiles and runs off to Bree's house. Susan stares at Bree and folds her arms.)**

**Bree: You didn't tell any of us you were going away?**

**Susan: It was sudden, a method to get Julie back on track.**

**Bree: Well your back now, just in time for Christmas.**

**Susan: I know, thank god I got the presents before we left. Now Mike just has to cook.**

**Bree: About that, I was thinking we could all have Christmas dinner together, you know all our friends.**

**Susan: Wow, that's a great idea, a huge weight of Mike's shoulders.**

**Bree: Great you're in.**

**Susan: Do you need help with the cooking? That's a lot of cooking, even for you.**

**Bree: Am … no that's okay.**

**Susan: God no Bree not from me, from Mike.**

**(Bree laughs.)**

**Bree: Oh okay then. See you then.**

**(She smiles and walks off, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Gabrielle's house, we see Edie walk up to the door and ring the bell.)**

**Edie (Shouts): Gabby, are you in?**

**(We gear footsteps running down the stairs. The door opens and we see Gabrielle.)**

**Gabby: Edie.**

**Edie: Hey Gabby, can we talk?**

**Gabby: … sure.**

**(Edie goes to walk inside but Gabby stops her.)**

**Gabby: Let's do this outside, it's pretty stuffy in there.**

**Edie: Okay.**

**(They sit down on the outside chairs.)**

**Gabby: What's up?**

**Edie: Well it's about Carlos.**

**Gabby: Oh … what about him?Edie: Well as you've probably heard we've spilt up.**

**Gabby: Yeah, so sorry to hear about that.**

**Edie: Well I just have a feeling … well that he's still in love with you.**

**(Gabby's face drops.)**

**Gabby: … really?**

**Edie: Yeah and I just wanted your word.**

**Gabby: My word?**

**Edie: Yeah that you won't, you know get back with him.**

**Gabby: Oh … sure.**

**(Edie smiles.)**

**Edie: Thanks Gabby, you're a good friend. Hell if I was you I'd be in bed with him in seconds.**

**(She laughs and Gabby laughs uncomfortably.)**

**Edie: Well just wanted to get that out there, I'll see you around.**

**(Edie smiles and gets up to leave, they hear someone shouting.)**

**Bree: You two.**

**(They turn to see Bree walking up to them.)**

**Edie: Oh hi Bree.**

**Bree: I'm so glad I caught you, well I've been thinking about Christmas dinner and I thought it would be a super idea for us to all have it together.**

**Edie: Oh that sounds great.**

**Bree: Great, what about you Gabby?**

**Gabby: Am … I guess so.**

**Bree: Brilliant, now make sure to invite Carlos, Edie.**

**Edie: Oh I don't think so.**

**Bree: Why not? The more the merrier.**

**Edie: Well we've … split up.**

**Bree: Oh god, I'm sorry. So would either of you wish to help out.**

**Gabby: Sure.**

**Edie: I'll have to take a rain check on that, Travers is coming for Christmas eve.**

**Bree: See you there.**

**(She smiles and walks off, Edie does the same. Gabby now runs into the house and then up the stairs. She runs in to her bedroom.)**

**Gabby: That was close.**

**(She walks up to her bed, we see Carlos lying in it.)**

**Carlos: Don't worry babe.**

**(She leans in and they kiss, the scene ends.)**

**(The next scene starts, it is Christmas eve, we see Lynette in her house. She is on the phone to Tom; it cuts back and forth from the pizzeria to Lynette's house.)**

**Lynette: I know Tom but we have to go, I can't do it, I just can't.**

**Tom (on phone in pizzeria): Okay but what do you want to do with the kids, we can't bring them.**

**Lynette: We'll give them to McCluskey, she's had loads of Christmas's she can skip the dinner.**

**Tom: Don't you think that's a bit unfair?**

**Lynette: No. Do you know why, cos I have cancer.**

**Tom: Yeah but she doesn't know that, why don't you just tell everyone?**

**Lynette: Because I don't want the sympathy vote, I'm not …**

**(She stops talking and looks out the window, she sees Mrs McCluskey walking out of her house.)**

**Tom: Lynette what are we doing then?**

**Lynette: I'm on it, bye.**

**(She puts the phone down and runs out of the house. When she leaves the phone starts ringing, we don't know who this is. We now see Lynette talking to McCluskey.)**

**Lynette: Mrs McCluskey.**

**McCluskey: Oh hi Lynette. I'm just off to the market, late Christmas shopping.**

**Lynette: So you're not going to the big dinner?**

**McCluskey: Actually I am, Bree just asked me to get her some things. I'm going over to help afterwards.**

**Lynette: Right well could you do me a favour?**

**McCluskey: Maybe.**

**Lynette: Could you baby-sit the boys, Kayla and Penny tomorrow night.**

**McCluskey: Nope, sorry Lynette, I'm not running my own Christmas.**

**Lynette: Come on, please, I need this.**

**McCluskey: Why's that?**

**Lynette: … it's Christmas. I need a break, please …**

**McCluskey: Nope sorry Lynette, I'm going.**

**(McCluskey walks off leaving Lynette annoyed, she makes her way over to Bree's house, she knocks on the door. Bree appears wearing an apron.)**

**Bree: Lynette thank god you changed your mind, come in.**

**Lynette: Actually I'm just here to say I can't come to the dinner.**

**Bree: What? Why not?**

**Lynette: I can't get someone to look after the boys and they obviously can't come, I just don't know what else I can do.**

**Bree: Danielle can do it.**

**(We see Danielle through the door.)**

**Danielle: What?**

**Lynette: Bree, she's eight months pregnant.**

**(Bree looks down at her fake belly which Lynette thinks is real.)**

**Bree: If I can do it so can she.**

**Danielle: What about dinner?**

**Bree: They'll be leftovers; anyway you won't eat any of it. You'll only want certain things and I'm not wasting things.**

**Danielle: Ah, this is so unfair, why are you doing this to me?**

**Bree: Don't be rude Danielle.**

**Danielle: I'll be rude when I can you …**

**Lynette: Okay well will we say five O'clock tomorrow.**

**(She nods and then walks off leaving Danielle and Bree still arguing, the scene ends. The next scene starts in Bree's kitchen. Bree, Gabby, Mrs McCluskey are all stood in there.)**

**Bree: Okay so you all have your jobs, Orson!**

**(Orson comes in.)**

**Bree: Please tell me you rented those chairs out.**

**Orson: Of course darling.**

**Bree: Well then, we are all …**

**(She is interrupted by the door bell ringing.)**

**Bree: I'll get that.**

**(Bree walks over to the door and opens it, we see Edie but she is on the phone.)**

**Edie (Shouting down the phone): Well screw you; I'll just have him for his birthday instead.**

**(Edie closes her phone.)**

**Bree: Hi Edie.**

**Edie: Hi, Travers his staying with his father so, how can I help?**

**Bree: Were actually done.**

**Edie: Oh thank god, at least I offered.**

**Bree: Well you could …**

**Edie: See ya.**

**(Edie walks off towards her house, the scene ends. The next scene starts with a shot of Wisteria Lane.)**

**Mary Alice: Christmas day, a time to open presents (Shows the Scavo kids ripping rapping paper off some presents) a time to prepare for the things to come (Shows Orson and Bree in the kitchen) a time to spend with family (Shows Julie opening a present, she hugs Susan) but for some it is just a time to do what you've been told.**

**(We Lynette running to her door, she opens it and Danielle appears.)**

**Lynette: Oh Danielle, come in.**

**(She walks in.)**

**Lynette: Well I think you know where everything is, I'm just getting ready, so go say hi.**

**(Lynette dashes up the stairs, Danielle walks into the living room, the kids are all there.)**

**Parker: Hi Danielle.**

**Danielle: Huh.**

**Twins: You're fat.**

**Danielle (Disgusted): I am not.**

**Parker: Yes you are.**

**Danielle: I'm pregnant you little weasels.**

**(Kayla walks up to Danielle.)**

**Kayla: Can I do your hair?**

**Danielle: No.**

**Kayla: Please.**

**Danielle: Maybe another time.**

**(She ties her hair back.)**

**Porter: Look what I got.**

**(He shows her a stuffed toy, it starts making a loud noise.)**

**Danielle: What is that?**

**Preston: It's a noisy monster. There cool.**

**Danielle: Ew.**

**(Lynette now comes back from downstairs. She is in a black dress.)**

**Danielle: You look lovely Mrs Scavo.**

**Kayla: She just wants your money.**

**(Danielle looks at her angrily)**

**Lynette (Laughs): Kayla! Thanks, so are you okay with everything?**

**Danielle: … yeah, I think so.**

**Lynette: So help yourself to food, drink and if you need anything, were just across the street. I've gotta go, Tom's already there waiting for me.**

**Danielle: Okay.**

**(Lynette smiles and walks up to the kids.)**

**Lynette (To kids): Be good (Whispers) please don't throw stuff.**

**(She gets up and looks at Danielle.)**

**Lynette: If it gets too much … call.**

**(Lynette smiles, grabs her handbag and then leaves)**

**Danielle: Bye … so**

**(She turns to look at the kids, they have vanished.)**

**Danielle: I hate my life.**

**(The scene ends, the next scene starts with Bree walking up to her door, she opens it and sees Lynette.)**

**Bree: Lynette, come in.**

**Lynette: Is everyone here?**

**Bree: Yes, you're the last. Now the celebrations can begin.**

**(They walk into the sitting room, the table is covered in delicious looking food, Edie, Carlos, Tom, Gabrielle, Susan, Mike, Mrs McCluskey, Andrew and Orson are all sat at the table.)**

**Bree: Everyone's here.**

**Tom (To Lynette): Hi honey, you okay?**

**Lynette: Yeah.**

**(On one side of the table it is, Gabby, Lynette, Tom, Mrs McCluskey and Ida Greenburg on the other side its Andrew, Edie, Susan and Mike and Carlos. At one end sits Bree and the other Orson.)**

**Bree: Firstly I'd like to thank you all for coming, I'm sure it will be a wonderful evening.**

**(They all raise there glasses.)**

**Edie: I'll toast to that.**

**Gabby: Lynette, your hair looks divine.**

**Lynette: … thanks.**

**Susan: My god Lynette it really does, what do you use on it?**

**(She looks at Tom uncomfortably, obviously because she is really wearing a wig.)**

**Lynette: Oh it's nothing, probably the light.**

**(They eat in silence for a minute.)**

**Carlos: Bree, this turkey is delicious.**

**Bree: Why thank you.**

**Susan: Julie was feeling ill, so that's why she's not here.**

**Bree: On Christmas, how awful.**

**Susan: I know, so how's Danielle?**

**Bree: She's great.**

**Lynette: I was gonna say how weird it is, your both pregnant and are at the same stage, you could use it as mother-daughter bonding.**

**(A few people across the table laugh. Susan looks at Bree and sighs.)**

**Bree: Gabby, I was so sorry to hear about Victor.**

**Gabby: Oh don't be, he was … not for me.**

**Edie: Well who's your next victim?**

**Gabby: Sorry?**

**Edie: Got anyone in mind?**

**Gabby: Oh, no.**

**Mrs McCluskey: If I were you I'd take a break, you wouldn't want to send the wrong message out.**

**(Gabrielle looks offended.)**

**Gabby: What does that mean?**

**McCluskey: I'm just saying, if you go from one to another you might be perceived as a …**

**Bree: Okay, I think we got it.**

**(They all continue to eat, Edie stares at Carlos.)**

**Edie: So are you seeing anyone?**

**Carlos: Me? … no.**

**Susan: Oh don't be modest you two, you don't have to hide it. Were all adults.**

**Gabby: Susan!**

**Edie: What?**

**Susan: Oh … never mind.**

**Orson: On a slightly chilling note, what's going on with this caller of yours Lynette, Tom?**

**Tom: Its fine, we got through it.**

**Mike: It's over?**

**Lynette: Well we haven't had a call since Art died so ..**

**Bree: Died?**

**Ida Greenburg: Oh yeah, that maniac died a few weeks ago, thank god.**

**Gabby: Oh my god, how?**

**Lynette: Suicide.**

**Tom (Annoyed): You didn't tell me that.**

**Lynette: Didn't I? Must have slipped my mind.**

**(She ignores this and continues to eat.)**

**Tom: I can't believe this, a huge thing like this and you don't inform me.**

**Lynette: Tom, calm down.**

**(He looks at all the uncomfortable faces and stops. Bree looks at Orson and nods.)**

**Orson: Darling, can I borrow you for a second?**

**Bree: Of course.**

**(They get up and leave the room, everyone is silent for a minute.)**

**Susan: So … Gabby, got any modelling jobs lately?**

**Gabby: No.**

**Susan: Oh … Edie, are you …**

**Edie: Oh just shut it Mayer.**

**Susan: … okay.**

**(She looks at Mike and then puts her head down, we now cut to Bree and Orson in the kitchen.)**

**Bree: Its perfect timing, everyone is here. It will spread like fire.**

**Orson: I'm not sure, its … evil.**

**Bree: Oh it's a little wrong but what choice do I have, it will have to be done eventually or would you prefer people to know?**

**Orson: Fine, how do you suggest we … do it?**

**Bree: We'll go back in for a while, then I'll say I must fetch something from upstairs and then I'll pretend to fall.**

**Orson: Is that believable?**

**Bree: Of course it's believable, would I do it if it wasn't?**

**Orson: What about Susan?**

**Bree: She'll understand.**

**Orson: Oh alright.**

**Bree: It's settled then, by the end of the night, I will have suffered a miscarriage.**

**(They look at each other and then walk back into the room.)**

**Bree: What are we talking about?**

**Susan: … nothing really.**

**Edie: What did you mean Susan?**

**Susan: Excuse me?**

**Edie: What you said earlier, about being adults, hide what?**

**Gabby: It's nothing, just Susan being Susan.**

**(Susan laughs uncomfortably.)**

**Carlos: seriously, let's drop it.**

**Edie: Hold it, are you two … together?**

**Gabby: What? …. No.**

**Carlos: Come on Gabby, what's she gonna do?**

**Edie: She, is sat right here.**

**Bree: Okay maybe we should calm …**

**Edie: Shut it.**

**Carlos: Yes, we are together.**

**(Edie looks disgusted. Everyone sits in silence, Tom is annoyed at Lynette, Edie stares at Gabby and Carlos in anger, Susan keeping her mouth shut and Bree and Orson getting ready for there plan.)**

**Edie: You …**

**(Edie gets up and slaps Carlos across the face, he holds his cheek.)**

**Carlos (In pain): Ah … jese.**

**Bree: Oh … that's quite enough.**

**(Edie stares at Bree evilly , Bree stops talking. Edie stares at Gabby.)**

**Edie: And you, you lied to my face yesterday, he backstabbing whore.**

**Gabby: Oh please, it's a free country.**

**(Edie looks at her glass of wine, she grabs it and throws it over Gabby, some of it splashes onto Lynette's face and hair, she gasps. Gabby screams.)**

**Gabby: What the hell?**

**(she looks down on her wine covered top.)**

**Bree: oh my god Lynette, your hair. Let me fix it.**

**(Lynette pulls way.)**

**Lynette: No, no it's fine.**

**Bree: Don't be silly, just let me …**

**(She puts her hand and the hair and pulls, Lynette's wig suddenly falls off. Everyone at the table gasps, Tom looks at Lynette and sighs.)**

**Bree: What … Lynette?**

**Susan: Have you got cancer?**

**Gabby: Lynette?**

**Lynette (Tears in eyes): Kind of, yeah.**

**(Everyone looks at her in shock, Gabby and Susan get out of there seats and run up to her.)**

**Bree: Why … why wouldn't you tell us?**

**Lynette: I don't know … I didn't want to be felt sorry for.**

**Gabby: Sweetie, we know how strong you are but of course we would feel sorry for you.**

**(Bree grabs Lynette's hand.)**

**Bree: How long have you …**

**Lynette: Just before Gabby's wedding.**

**(Gabby puts her hand over her mouth.)**

**Gabby: Please tell me you didn't say something because of it, because I …**

**Lynette: Of course not, I would never put that on you.**

**(They all smiles.)**

**Susan: well now we know, we can help however you want.**

**Mrs McCluskey: Just give me the word and I'll ship your little brats off to a camp.**

**(Lynette laughs.)**

**Lynette: That's okay, thanks.**

**(All the men are sat at the table, the woman are crowded around Lynette, the scene ends. The next scene starts at the Scavo house, we see Danielle sat on the sofa with her legs on the coffee table. She is eating cookie dough.)**

**Parker: Read us a story!**

**Danielle: I'm good.**

**Twins: Please.**

**Danielle: you go to school, read one yourself.**

**All: Awe**

**(They walk off in disappointment.)**

**Kayla: Will you read me one?**

**Danielle: God, I said no.**

**Kayla: Then I'll just tell my daddy and you won't get paid.**

**(Kayla stares at Danielle evilly.)**

**Danielle: Fine.**

**(Kayla smiles and runs up the stairs. Danielle starts to get up, she does this slowly. The phone suddenly rings, she picks it up.)**

**Danielle: Hello, Scavo residence. I'm there babysitter, who are you? … hello? … hello? Ahh.**

**(She throws the phone down and starts walking up the stairs slowly, the scene ends. The next scene starts back at the dinner, everyone is now sat back in there places, Bree nods at Orson, he nods back.)**

**Bree: I'm just going to fetch something from upstairs.**

**(She smiles and stands up out of her seat.)**

**Carlos: don't worry, I'll do it.**

**Bree: No, no, I'm fine.**

**Carlos: I insist.**

**Orson: She'll do it.**

**Carlos: … okay.**

**(She leaves the room, we see her go half way up the stairs. We go back to the dinner.)**

**Gabby: Listen Edie, I just want to …**

**Edie: Save it, I don't care.**

**Carlos: You obviously do.**

**Edie: Oh I care about what happened, I just don't care about you.**

**Gabby: For god's sake …**

**(Someone's cell phone starts ringing, the ring tone is Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.)**

**Susan: Oh it's mine.**

**Edie: Of course it is.**

**(She answers it.)**

**Susan: Hello? Yes this is Susan Mayer, yeah she's my daughter, why? (Pause) Oh my god, I'll be right there.**

**(A distressed Susan throws the phone on the table and jumps up. Everyone looks at her in confusion.)**

**Susan: Julie, she's been found passed out in a Santa's grotto.**

**(Edie laughs. Susan rushes out, Mike quickly follows. We now see Bree, she lies on the floor and is about to scream when Orson walks towards her.)**

**Bree: What are you doing?**

**Orson: This isn't the time.**

**Bree: Why not?**

**Orson: Susan's daughter was found passed out somewhere, there gone.**

**Bree: Oh … well I guess we'll do it tomorrow.**

**(He helps her up and they make there way back into the dinner room, we now cut to see Danielle a sleep on the sofa, we hear a smash and the door opens, A man in all black walks in and looks around, he doesn't see Danielle. He sneaks up the stairs, Danielle wakes when she hears a door open. She gets up and looks around, she sees the door and then quickly goes up the stairs, when at the top she hears a noise from downstairs and looks back down. The man then appears he doesn't see Danielle and bumps into her, she screams and then goes crashing down the stairs. The man panics and races out of the house. We now see outside Susan and Mike are in the car about to leave, they see this man leave Lynette's house.)**

**Susan: Oh my god … go get them.**

**Mike: what?**

**Susan: Get Lynette and Tom, I gotta go.**

**(Mike jumps out of the car and races into Bree's house, the scene ends. We see a shot of Wisteria Lane.)**

**Mary Alice: Yes, Christmas is spoken of as the best time of year but in reality, it is a time when we are most vulnerable, to secrets being revealed (Shows Mrs McCluskey and Ida Greenburg talking about Lynette's cancer) friendships being ruined (Shows Edie watch as Gabby and Carlos kiss, she rolls her eyes) problems not being solved (Shows a horrified Lynnette staring at the door which was broken into, she stares at Tom in fear, he grabs her hand)and lives being at risk (Shows a worried Bree and Orson looking on as Danielle is put into an ambulance, the ambulance door closes and it drives off. We now see the image we saw at the beginning of the episode, Bree and Orson looking at the empty chairs at the table.) **

**So is Christmas the best time off year, for some not in the slightest.**

**The episode ends.**


End file.
